Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
