This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
