I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this beer tastes like vomit already
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
