Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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