If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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