i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
