Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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