i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
