I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i think i just lost a toe
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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