I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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