Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
