dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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