I didn't shave. On purpose
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
