Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
