dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
