Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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