I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
