about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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