my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
