yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
