Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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