critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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