Christians are straight up FREAKS
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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