In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
