FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
