Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
