Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
