i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
