This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
