I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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