I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
