Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
