An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
