Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
