Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
