Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
