Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
