Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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