Cold hands, warm shart.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
