So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
