We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
