True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
