idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
