then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
