lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
