I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
