very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
