I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
