so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had to cum in my sink.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
