Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
