I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
