I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
