So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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