Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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